It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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