Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
stop calling my apartment porn island.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i want to swaddle you in tequila
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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