hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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