Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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