Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
