Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
