no, he came in my armpit
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
