found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
