Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I have aggressive nipples.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
