i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
