Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
