so let's talk penis.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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