you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
