when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
