i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
