So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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