You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
