He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
