I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
