How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The power of my boobs compel you
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Please don't give away my fajitas
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