Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
