I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize