Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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