you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
