i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
