A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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