She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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