I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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