last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
