ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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