Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
