Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
