Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm getting married
To pizza
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
