I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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