best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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