Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
