He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I am one with the molecules
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
