Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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