That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
