the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
