we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
