Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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