There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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