you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize