if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
