I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm just crazy horny about you
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
