i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize