Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
