everyone is single if you try hard enough
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
