I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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