walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i now understand why vodka
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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