We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Found the puke drawer
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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