i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I believe in your delicious
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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