When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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