apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
