dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
