she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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