just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize