i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
