I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
