I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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