Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize