i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
