We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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