im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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